Day 94: The end

And so, the longest series of Big Brother is finally over – and the outcome wasn’t nearly as predictable as the bookies were suggesting.

Because after a mad flurry of betting on the twins, making them red-hot favourites to be crowned winners (or winner if you’re still counting them as one housemate), Basildon boy Brian snatched victory from under their noses.

To be honest, it wasn’t a huge surprise since he had been the favourite for such a long time – but it was unexpected, and nobody was more surprised than Brian himself, who wept after his name was announced.

“This is mental….I don’t deserve to win,” he told the twins, except they were far too busy shrieking with excitement at the fact that he had won (never mind the fact that they had just lost, they were far too pleased for him)

But now it’s all over bar the shouting (and the inevitable turning up at film premieres, appearing in celebrity magazines, signing record deals and generally milking their 15 minutes of fame), it’s time to reflect on the series and recall some of our favourite moments.

For us, possibly the funniest moment of the entire 94 days was Seany putting a condom on Gerry’s beloved cuddly toy Freddie for a laugh. Actually, it was Gerry’s hot-tempered reaction that was far funnier than Seany’s prank – call us juvenile but we laughed like drains.

Similarly, Seany pushing Charley in the pool was compulsive viewing – as was Charley’s fake eviction, and her sheer conviction that the crowd had been cheering her as she returned to the house (did she really fail to hear all the catcalls and cries of ‘get Charley out’ or did she just choose not to listen?)

We also loved the moment when birthday boy Brian was told that Pauline was a fake housemate, as well as the Big Brother’s Birthday Task (how twisted can Big Brother actually get by making the housemates play party games, eat sweets and indulge in forced jollity for hours on end?)

Carole sticking on a leotard and performing Stairway To Heaven on the BBTV talent show was must-see TV, while Chanelle’s total meltdown over being asked to play the violin was compelling for all the wrong reasons (and just a tad disturbing).

There are many more moments we could mention – Brian and Amanda’s caravan snog, the arrival of Ziggy to the man-starved house, Tracey’s one-woman birthday rave, Sam and Amanda’s telepathy task, and Chanelle’s hysterics at realising she would only have a carrot to eat and she would probably “get the pointy bit” – but it would take far too long to relive them all.

Suffice to say, it’s been a memorable series, and as for those housemates – well, we’re going to miss them.

Never mind though – only nine months to go until Big Brother 9…

Day 93: The final looms

With just one more day to go in the Big Brother house, there’s a bt of a party atmosphere in the air – and it’s hardly surprising.

After all, in less than 48 hours the longest ever series of the show will be at an end, while one of the seven remaining housemates will be £100,000 richer (or £200,000 richer in Liam’s case).

To celebrate this fact, Thursday night saw the housemates being treated to a celebratory ‘last supper’ courtesy of Big Brother, with a three course dinner, wine and speeches.

Yes, having stuffed themselves silly, each of the seven finalists had to then stand up and make a speech about their time in the house.

Some of these were short and to the point (Sam for example giggling all the way through and confessing that she didn’t know what to say), to borderingon the sentimental, as Ziggy declared in true Hollywood blockbuster fashion that any one of the housemates would “make him proud” (you almost expected them to fall together in a group hug at this point but they didn’t).

But it was left to Carole to restore stupidity to the Big Brother house, by describing all her fellow housemates in verse. Jonty was described as “Mr Hanky Spanky”, references were made to Liam being the house “macho man” and that old rhyme about Carole “doing aerobics by the pool” was once again dragged up.

She rounded it off by suggesting that Ziggy’s romantic shenanigans could fill a book – and then everybody did indeed unite for a tearful group hug, while Green Day’s Time Of Your Life was pumped into the house. Awwwwwww………..

And as the last day approaches, the twins are still the favourites to win. Very much the favourites in fact. Can Brian, the only person even remotely close to them in the betting, rise to the challenge and steal a last minute victory?

We’ll know on Friday night…

Day 92: And now, the end is near

Is is just us or does this series of Big Brother seem to have been going on for ever? Not for much longer, however.

There’s only two days to go in the house – and the group are spending their remaining Big Brother hours contemplating the return to life on the outside world – and remembering the good times they’ve had in the house.

A conversation on Wednesday night saw Brian’s naked garden romp being fondly remembered, as well as Gerry kissing the housemates’ photographs and Brian dressing up as Charley for the BB8 movie. But not everybody appears to have such a long memory…

“The best bit is us sitting here struggling to remember the best bits,” Jonty pointed out, while Sam said she was finding it hard to think “as there were so many funny bits”.

Until Carole’s recollection of Amanda finding a “bird” in the swimming pool which turned out to be a moth sent the pair into a stony silence.

Meanwhile, the final week tasks keep on coming. On Wednesday Big Brother declared it was having the day off and left the housemates in charge, complete with £100 for food and the task of choosing one of their number to take Big Brother’s place.

Jonty was swiftly chosen, and set up a temporary Diary Room in the Vestibule, where the twins were among his first visitors.

“We want music and songs so we can party,” he was told. “And a bouncy castle.”

And their wish was granted, with the Aqua “classic” Barbie Girl being played into the house just moments later.

And what of the bouncy castle? We think they may have a long wait….

Day 91: Movie stars

The Big Brother housemates are certainly being kept on their toes in the final week of the show. No sooner had they recovered from the shandy and inflatable dolls of the Saturday Night Out task than they were given something else to get their teeth into – BB8: The Movie.

The challenge? To dress up as each other and make a film about their experiences in the Big Brother house.

And as you might imagine, they quickly got stuck in, with Liam as narrator, the twins behind the camera and everybody else taking on multiple roles. Jonty donned a vivid red wig to play Seany and long dark hair to become Shabnam, while Liam and Ziggy played Sam and Amanda.

Brian, perhaps, had the most fetching outfit – he was transformed into Charley with a mop of long dark curls and a teeny weeny dress.

But quite aside from the housemates being given the chance to relive their favourite moments from the series, it also acted as a reminder of those housemates who now seem like a distant memory.

Frankly, we had completely forgotten about Shabnam, Billi and to a certain extent Seany, and the names Emily and Jonathan had all but disappeared from our minds.

Well, let’s face it, there have been so many housemates this year we’re bound to have forgotten a few.

Having put together three hours of footage, the group handed the film over to Big Brother who promptly edited it and then transformed the house into a cinema for the screening later that evening. The twins shrieked when they saw the pick ‘n’ mix and popcorn machine that Big Brother had provided, and the others were delighted.

“Let’s make ourselves really sick,” said Ziggy when faced with the plethora of sugary treats.

Not on camera please…

Day 90: Do It Yourself!

Over the past three months, the housemates have become accustomed to Big Brother setting them tasks – but on Monday they were given the chance to set one of their own!

The latest in what appears to be a daily series of challenges to keep the housemates from getting bored in their final week saw them coming up with their own idea for a task. A task within a task, in other words.

To help them along their way they were given a £100 budget and 20 words to stimulate the creative process.

Carole and the twins kicked things off with their ‘Circle Of Fun’, which saw housemates having to perform tasks or forfeits depending on what they scored on a dartboard. Way too confusing for our liking, ladies (especially the bit about having to drink tomato ketchup)

Jonty and Ziggy pitched a task involving a prison camp, a union camp, role-play and Abraham Lincoln. All a bit too intellectual perhaps? Probably, except for the bit at the end involving Civil War reenactment. With water pistols. And can-can dancing housemates. Er…..

So in the end it was down to Brian and Liam, who saved the day with their Saturday Night Out task – in which housemates had to complete an obstacle course featuring shandy, kebabs, cheap aftershave and blow-up dolls.

Which took the housemates all of 18 minutes to complete successfully. Have they done this one before by any chance?

Day 89: Quiz time!

During their time in the Big Brother house, the seven remaining housemates have experienced many highs and lows, ups and downs. And on Sunday, Amanda, Sam, Carole, Jonty, Ziggy, Liam and Brian took a trip down memory lane in The Big Big Brother quiz.

The question started easy enough, but we all know that Big Brother likes to stir things up a little and soon begun to get really personal. Liam was noticeably embarrassed when Big Brother decided to show footage of his under-the-duvet liason with Amy, and Ziggy cringed as the housemates were shown how he ended his fling with Chanelle.

Speaking of Chanelle, it was then time for ‘who’s the mystery guest?’.

Summoned to the vestibule wearing blindfolds, Ziggy and Carole had two minutes to guess the identity of their surprise visitor. And it didn’t take them long: “It’s Chanelle,” they both agreed.

Shocked but pleased to see his ex-love, Ziggy and Chanelle had enough time – 15 minutes to be exact – for a brief heart-to-heart.

“Is it worth talking when we get out?” Ziggy enquired.

“If you want,” Chanelle replied.

After a final embrace, Chanelle left Ziggy with a reminder of why they split.

“You’ve been smoking again – disgusting!,” she yelled.

Mmmm… sure you want that reunion, Ziggy?

Day 88: Two’s company

As the final week of Big Brother dawns, the remaining members of the group are starting to notice that the house isn’t quite as crowded as it once was.

The departure of both Tracey and Kara-Louise on Friday had quite an impact, with Ziggy being the first to point out how small the group now was.

Given that this has been one of the busiest series of Big Brother ever – with no less than 23 people passing through the doors over the past three months (24 if you count fake housemate Pauline), it’s hardly surprising that things now seem a bit quiet.

“This is everybody,” Jonty said after the pair had departed on Friday night – bringing home to the others the realisation that no new arrivals would be joining them. “So we need to look after each other.”

He and Carole, meanwhile, have been discussing the possibility that their age might count against them when it comes to public voting.

“I should think it will,” Carole said. “Actually though it’s not necessarily our age…I think it’s more to do with our progress throughout.”

Or perhaps it will have more to do with Carole’s hissy fits over piccalilli and Jonty’s hyena-like cackle? Time will tell….

In spite of their reduced numbers, the group have still found time to have a bit of fun, courtesy of their host.

On Saturday they were set a task which involved them having to pair up and perform duets with each other.

The twins and Brian became Jordan and Peter Andre, Ziggy and Liam were transformed into Kylie and Jason, while Jonty and Carole became Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton.

And having sung their little hearts out, Brian and the twins were eventually crowned winners. And their prize? A pat on the back – or rather, a T-shirt with a picture of Pat from EastEnders on the back.

Goodness, Big Brother’s generosity simply knows no bounds…

Day 87: Fifth time unlucky

She may have appeared to have more lives than your average cat when it came to surviving Big Brother evictions, but on Friday Tracey’s luck finally ran out. And even she appeared to know that her time was finally up.

Because having escaped eviction on four separate occasions, the public finally gave the pink-haired raver the boot – although to the surprise of the housemates, Friday night’s eviction was a double one, which meant they also saw the back of so-called “worst housemate” Kara-Louise.

And both of them seemed curiously laid-back about the whole thing – none of the tears or histrionics of previous evictions here. Could it be that because there’s only a week left they’ve all stopped caring?

Either way, they exited the house holding hands and to a decent reception – lots of cheers for a perma-grinning Tracey (not bad considering all the negative things Gerry’s been telling the world about her in the past week), and only a few stray boos for Kara-Louise – although to be fair she probably hadn’t been in the house long enough for anybody to start really disliking her.

The eviction interview itself however was altogether peculiar. Tracey proved herself to be every interviewer’s nightmare by giving very short answers to all of Davina’s questions, and even offering monosyllabic replies to some of them (and Tracey, did the world really need to know it was that time of the month this week?).

Kara-Louise – also grinning like a maniac (seriously, the glow of collective evictee teeth could have lit the entire Big Brother studio) – was a bit more forthcoming for her rather brief eviction interview, but still didn’t have a whole lot to say. Seems she really didn’t make much impact on the house during her time there.

So with evictions done and dusted, it’s time for the public to start voting for their winner. And this time next week we’ll know who that winner is.

Frankly, we can’t wait…

Day 86: Fight For Your Right…To Party

There’s nothing like a party to raise the spirits of the Big Brother housemates. And what they were offered on Thursday was indeed, nothing like a party.

They were told that Big Brother was providing them with – wait for it – one cup cake, one can of shandy and one song with which to enjoy themselves that night. (now steady on BB, someone might actually have some fun and that would never do!)

However they were then told they had the chance to upgrade to a better party – by taking part in a task in which they had to rate or slate each other in a series of categories and one of their number had to guess who was ranked top and bottom in each.

Ziggy promptly decided he was the man for the job – and soon wished he hadn’t, given that the categories included Most Spineless Housemate and Nastiest Housemate

Having managed to upset Carole by incorrectly guessing the others chose her in the former category, he then correctly guessed Kara-Louise had been chosen as nastiest – and the 22-year-old was not happy.

“Let’s not celebrate that,” Liam insisted as Kara-Louise dissolved into a fresh bout of weeping at the renewed news of her unpopularity.

Later on, in the garden with Liam, Brian and Amanda, the task was weighing heavily on Ziggy’s mind. And not because he’d only managed to win a single bottle of champers, a handful of Scotch eggs and one play of Stefan Dennis’ top 17 ‘classic’ Don’t It Make You Feel Good (if, indeed, that can be counted as a reward).

“You know when you say the wrong things constantly?” he asked the others. “I’m just so good at it.”

The others soon perked up however, when Brian, Liam and the twins managed to negotiate some more booze and music out of Big Brother – in exchange for three boxes of their precious cornflakes and other treats from their luxury shopping.

Nice move. But what is Carole going to say when she finds out….?

Day 85: Happy shoppers

Finally, after two weeks of near starvation in the Big Brother house, the housemates have a luxury shopping budget coming their way.

But compiling the list was never an easy task – and after attempting to crush Carole’s recent domination of the household catering, certain members of the group weren’t exactly looking forward to the prospect of ordering their food.

“There’s gonna be five people doing the shopping,” Liam told the others “But Brian’s asked me to stand by for moral support.”

Jonty assured the others that Carole would not be interfering and would simply tell Kara-Louise what she wanted but the others just didn’t believe him. “Jonty, you’re being slightly naive to the ways of Carole,” Ziggy warned him.

Kara-Louise, on the other hand, stayed away altogether. “I’ll take anything to avoid an argument,” she said of the shopping.

But it wasn’t the only thing on people’s minds on Wednesday. Despite her ‘let’s be friends’ declaration, Brian hasn’t given up on Amanda, and made his feelings known during a cosy chat.

“You speak more slowly than I do,” he told her during an argument about pronunciation.

“Wow, no-one’s ever said that to me,” said the twin. And then, honing in for a cuddle, Brian made his move.

“You’re a lovely girl you are,” he said. “I love you.”

Sounds like he isn’t giving up this one without a fight….

Day 84: Social butterflies

So another task is nearly complete – and this one’s been a particularly entertaining one, as the housemates have learned how to talk posh, walk with books on their heads and make their way around a dinner table full of cutlery.

On Tuesday night it all culminated in the Big Brother ball – which saw the group putting on their finery and gathering round for an evening of bubbly, ballroom and general good humour. All they had to do was mind their manners for the duration of the evening.

But of course minding your p’s and q’s is one thing. Pronouncing them properly is another matter entirely.

“Can we stop talking like this please?” Liam said early on, amid warnings they would fail the task. And Brian agreed. “I’ve never spoke like this my life,” he complained.

And as the housemates took to the dancefloor, Ziggy was in playful mood, flirting with anyone who crossed his path, and wafting cologne in the general direction of Tracey. “Let me smell your wrist of love,” she insisted – but Ziggy had already moved on to his next conquest, Kara-Louise, whom
he appeared to be spanking through her ballgown as they danced together (Jonty will be soooo jealous…..)

Meanwhile, the final nominations of the series have been revealed, and it’s Kara-Louise versus Jonty versus Tracey, with two of them set to go on Friday.

This means that Brian, Carole, Liam, Ziggy and the twins have all made it to the final week.

But who’ll be joining them? And who’ll be getting their marching orders come Friday……?

Day 83: Mega punishment

Never let it be said that Big Brother lacks imagination when it comes to disciplining housemates. Over the course of the series they’ve lost their shopping budget, had to live on slop, been made to do the housework – you get the idea.

However Amanda’s latest punishment takes some beating. Having broken her microphone, Big Brother has told her she now has to speak through a megaphone until further notice – but the twin has been having trouble taking it seriously.

“I love it, thank you,” she enthused upon finding out that she had to use the loud-hailer to say absolutely everything – before realising she wasn’t supposed to. “I mean, I hate it,” she stumbled. “It’s the worst punishment ever.”

And just when the housemates were supposed to be learning the art of proper speech as well. Their Finishing Academy task has so far included elocution lessons, deportment (cue lots of walking around the house with books firmly placed on heads), etiquette and ballroom dancing.

Carole has told Jonty off about his fondness for flatulence while Ziggy and Kara-Louise have been practising their quickstep – and, it would appear, just a little flirting into the bargain.

“I’m the brains of this operation,” the 22-year-old told Ziggy cheekily after rehearsals went awry.

“As long as you think so,” Ziggy told her.

“Show me some respect!” she joked.

At first Ziggy wasn’t too impressed by her cheekiness, until the others pointed something out to him.

“I think she fancies you,” Brian grinned.

“Like mad,” agreed Liam.

“I have to agree,” added Tracey.

Goodness, whatever would Chanelle think……?

Day 82: Ladies and Gentlemen…

The early hours of Sunday morning saw Carole arguing, once again, about food – this time with Ziggy.

Having exchanged a fair few unpleasantries, Carole, Ziggy and all the other housemates awoke that morning to discover that, in order to pass this week’s shopping task, they would have to mind their Ps and Qs as students of Big Brother’s Finishing Academy.

“I don’t know what this is about,” said Brian defiantly, “I talk proper anyway.”

“Why aye,” agreed Liam, “I learned to speak proper England when I was at school.”

“We’ll be like the Royal Family or something,” said Brian. Er, right…

To help the housemates gain a better understanding of etiquette, deportment and elocution, Big Brother gave them a manual containing the Do’s and Do Nots of high society living.

But that just served to make them even more confused.

“Men should never be seated when a woman is standing,” Ziggy quoted from the manual.

“Does that mean every time I’m standing, you have to stand up?” asked Amanda.

Amanda’s twin was equally as confused. “What’s a drawing room?” asked Sam.

Oh dear…

That afternoon, Carole had clearly forgotten all about being ladylike as she began berating the twins over… a dishcloth.

“Can you see what’s happened because you left [the dishcloth] on the towel – there’s tea stain all over the table cloth,” Carole said to Amanda.

“Carole, you can’t see it,” said Liam, jumping to the twins’ defense, adding: “I don’t think it’ll upset anybody, like.”

Is the Queen of the Kitchen about to be de-throned..?

Day 81: A matter of trust

So Gerry is gone – and his absence is already being felt among the housemates. But it was something he said before he left that raised the most eyebrows.

Speaking in the garden after he had gone, Ziggy and Liam discussed the warning their ex-housemate had left them with, suggesting that Tracey was not to be trusted.

“Were you there when Tracey went to the toilet,” Liam asked, “and he said, ‘don’t trust her, everybody’?”

“When he’d been evicted already, in the thirty minutes when we were all crowding round him, he said ‘don’t trust her – I don’t!'”

Ziggy philosophically pointed out that Tracey was probably “delighted” to see the back of Gerry. “I don’t trust her either,” he concluded.

In other news, it looks as though we could be about to bid farewell to another great Big Brother romance as Amanda shared her true feelings with Brian during an intimate late-night chat.

“I prefer to stay as mates and stuff,” she told him. “I think you’re a good looking guy and dead sweet, but it just seems weird.”

The lovestruck 20-year-old put a brave face on proceedings, joking that Amanda had broken his heart – but having retreated to the garden to gather his thoughts he didn’t seem to find it quite so funny. “Don’t!” he told himself as he buried his head in his hands, trying not to cry.

Oh Amanda, what have you done……?

Day 80: Gerry says goodbye

He came, he saw, he talked incessantly about history…and then on Friday evening Gerry bade farewell to the Big Brother house.

Back in the distant Big Brother past, there had been a time when the Greek geek was favourite to win – but that all changed once he started boring the housemates senseless with his talk of museums and art galleries – and getting involved in more than a few arguments.

This week’s row with Carole over breakfast proved to be the final straw. With six housemates to choose from in this week’s eviction, the public gave the most votes to Gerry and Carole (well let’s face it, they were never going to vote out Liam and Brian, now were they?)

Then it was down to the gurus Sam, Amanda, Tracey and Ziggy to choose which of the two left – and they unanimously chose Gerry, amid much pleading from the man himself to vote him out of the house. “I want Carole to win the money,” he told them.

Once the decision was made, he backed it up with an impassioned speech. “I am going to campaign for Carole to win,” he said.

“We’re still young, we can work for this money. I am proving now that I did not come here for the money. It’s very important for me.”

Cue spontaneous applause from the housemates as the viewing public sat there wondering whether it was possible for Gerry to actually stop talking for more than ten seconds.

Actually, it wasn’t. Having exited the house to one of the best crowd receptions so far this series (the cheers drowning out the inevitable boos and catcalls) Gerry babbled like an excited schoolboy through his interview with Davina, and had nice things to say about everybody – except Tracey.

“Tracey is the one person in the House that I wouldn’t like to see winning,” he pointed out. “She’s there to win, and she’ll change her friendships and be a chameleon in order to try and win. She doesn’t convince me.”

No love lost there, we feel…

Day 79: Monkey business

With another week of basic rations looming, the housemates are getting to the stage where’ll they’ll do anything for a square meal, no matter how ridiculous.

And on Thursday afternoon they came up with one of the most far-fetched tasks yet – sending Gerry’s best friend Freddie and Jonty’s cuddly pal Munkitty Tunkitty on holiday together – and leaving it to the housemates to guess where they had gone.

And as an added incentive, there was food at stake – with housemates being summoned into the Diary Room in pairs to try and guess from a series of themed postcards where the cuddly twosome had gone.

It was hardly a challenging task, and all the pairs correctly guessed their locations, winning themselves an edible reward – but some of the housemates got a better deal than others.

Brian, for example, was less than happy to be rewarded with a plate of cookies – even more so when Gerry and Jonty landed themselves a pizza, one of the foods the 20-year-old has been craving.

“Big Brother hates me!” he whined as the hungry pair tucked in, savouring every mouthful and showing the slices off to the camera – fully aware the other housemates were watching them on the plasma screen in the Living Area.

And his dismay was increased when Carole and Tracey won themselves bowls of noodles. “I can’t believe it!” he gasped. “I wanted noodles. I got a cookie. That takes the biscuit!”

Eventually, the vacationing pair returned to the house – and their owners were delighted to see them. “Look at his little hat – he looks so cute!” gushed Gerry upon seeing Freddie again.

There’s nothing like a holiday to raise everybody’s spirits, is there….?

Day 78: Hungry hungry housemates

If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to upset the Big Brother housemates, it’s food. Or the lack of thereof. Which meant there were celebrations in the house this week after they were told they had passed their self-improvement task and a luxury shopping budget was coming their way.

Except the jubilation turned out to be short-lived.

On Wednesday Carole was summoned to the Diary Room and questioned about a packet of chocolate digestives she had been seen sharing with the other housemates the previous day – which certainly had not been part of the previous week’s basic rations.

The ‘keeper of the kitchen’ tried to wriggle out of the situation, saying the biscuits had been there for ages.

“I didn’t realise they were there when I took all my stuff out. When I went back and moved stuff and they were there. And I took them and put them in the back of the drawer and they remained there. The Task was over and they were craving stuff so I brought them out.”

Not good enough for Big Brother though, who promptly took away the housemates’ luxury shopping budget as punishment – consigning them to another miserable week of spaghetti on toast.

Naturally the housemates weren’t pleased – especially Ziggy, who even went so far as to threaten to quit due to lack of food.

“I’ll be honest. My time here is going to be limited,” he told Big Brother. “I’m a lad, I need to eat.”

And the whole thing came to a head in the early hours of this morning when Carole and Gerry came to blows over the lack of food in the house, with swearing, shouting, crying and complaints of feelings being hurt.

And what started it all? Gerry’s claim that he hadn’t had breakfast – or at least had only had two pieces of toast.

Er, that sounds like a fairly decent breakfast to us…

Day 77: Cheddar wars

Awwwww, hasn’t the self-improvement task been fun? You can almost feel the love in the house. Well, sort of…

Because there’s nothing guaranteed to ruin a lovely atmosphere chez Big Brother than arguments over food. Or lack of, thereof. Seems the basic rations the housemates have been living on for the past week are running short – and they’re getting hungry.

So much so that an argument erupted over some cheese which had been overlooked when the group was ordered to return all the food from the luxury shopping budget the previous week.

All of which led to Ziggy suggesting that housemates had perhaps been hiding food – and Carole was not happy.

“There would be serious consequences for the people that did it,” she pointed out. And later on she threw a major strop when Gerry suggested she was controlling the kitchen.

“You can’t just go round taking other people’s stuff!” she snapped. “Have the courtesy to ask!”

Liam and Ziggy responded by declaring they would be doing their own cooking from now on. “The fact is, when Carole goes near the kitchen we do feel uncomfortable going near it,” he pointed out.

In other news, the housemates completed the final part of their self-improvement task with a lie detector test aimed at improving their souls. After Tracey and Brian both scored top marks, the others voted for Tracey to become soul guru, thus securing immunity from eviction.

But the group weren’t too happy about the results of the test – which confirmed that Jonty was a virgin (to his surprise, oddly enough), Gerry felt superior to the others and Liam was jealous of Brian and Amanda.

“He’s going to think I’m after his bird now,” the tree surgeon moaned.

So much for peace and harmony…

strong>Day 76: Mind over matter

The housemates have really been getting stuck into their self-improvement task – and it’s no wonder, really, since there’s little else to do in the house at the moment.

With the material possessions gone from the house, they’ve little choice but to focus on becoming perfect housemates and of course, avoiding the possibility of eviction.

Ziggy has achieved immunity by becoming the first housemate to achieve ‘guru’ status, and spent Monday trudging around the house dressed in a giant false beard to remind everybody of his new importance.

He doesn’t seem too keen though. “What’s the point of being a guru if you can’t pull a bit of weight?” he asked Big Brother in a sneaky bathroom monologue. “I might as well be normal and not have to wear this Santa Claus outfit.”

Sees the Zigster isn’t too happy that he has to live on spaghetti on toast like everybody else even though he has attained guru status.

Little does he know he’s going to be doing it for some time to come – since the housemates have already failed this week’s task, and so will be on basic rations for another week.

Still, not everybody’s quite so miffed. Monday saw them face their ‘body’ task, with a gruelling assault course in the garden and a series of physical challenges – and the winners were Sam and Amanda.

Which means they too are immune from eviction and get to parade around in guru outfits.

Which in their case are – you guessed it – pink. Which we can’t help thinking looks rather stylish with those big white beards…

Day 75: The power of the mind

As Sundays are often lazy days, Big Brother decided to give the housemates a series of spiritual tasks to improve their minds, bodies and souls. In fact, ALL housemates will need to be in tip-top condition, for whoever performs best in each task will be awarded ‘guru’ status and, in a shock twist, immunity from eviction!

Dressed in simple white robes, the housemates’ first challenge was an general knowledge quiz. After the test, Big Brother summoned Brian to the Diary Room to ask which qualities he brought to the house. “Honesty,” he replied, before returning to the others to tell a whopping great lie…

“Gerry – I won the IQ test! Way-hey-hey! I’m most cleverest housemate – check me out!,” Brian said as he emerged from the Diary Room. And it seems that Gerry well and truly took the bait. “What did they say? What did they say?” he enquired.

Brian soon confessed that it was all a wind-up, with the other housemates egging him on. “Brian, you’re great!” they sang. But somehow we don’t think Gerry shared their enthusiasm…

After two more ‘mind’ tasks, Big Brother then revealed that Ziggy was the housemate with the greatest mind improvement – a whopping 200 per cent! – which meant that the former boybander had won both the title of Mind Guru and immunity from eviction.

“I feel great,” an enlightened Ziggy told Big Brother. “I feel delighted to be saved from nomination. I wasn’t really the bright kid at school – I was more into sport and stuff. I will make a good Guru though,” he added. “I thought I’d be the last person in the house to be a Guru, but sometimes you surprise yourself.”

How very zen of you Ziggy…

Day 74: Raving, we’re raving…

Saturday is always a quiet time in the BB house, and this week was no exception. Except on this particular Saturday a few people woke up with sore heads – including Tracey.

This of course came as no surprise since the normally quiet raver had shown another side to her personality the previous night, getting rather drunk, grabbing Ziggy for a quick snog and chasing Liam round the pool in the manner of a bad Benny Hill sketch.

Not that she remembered much of this. “What did I do?” she asked the others as she emerged bleary-eyed from under the duvet the next morning.

“I’d be embarrassed,” joked Ziggy as his pink-haired colleague made an ill-fated attempt to get out of bed and promptly fell over.

As if that wasn’t enough raving for Tracey, though, she had another chance to indulge in her favourite activity that morning with Big Brother’s weekly workout – which this week had a rave theme.

All of which meant the housemates got to dress in flourescent workout wear – we particularly liked Carole’s OTT headgear – and get physical in the garden to a selection of bangin’ dance tunes. And some of them weren’t too keen.

“How can they do this to us?” whimpered Gerry afterwards. “I’m too old for this.”

Well Tracey – who in fact is older than you Gerry – didn’t seem to mind….

Day 73: Another one bites the dust

These evictions are starting to get a bit too predictable for our liking. Last week’s – when we really weren’t sure who was for the chop – was fun, but this week it was business as usual, as glamour girl Amy – the favourite to go – said her goodbyes to the house.

And like David and Shanessa last week, she was greeted by a chorus of boos on her return to the outside world. Are none of these Halfway Housemates popular?

Or perhaps it was just the media-savvy way she greeted press and public – it just seemed all a bit too professional and posed for our liking. Much more fun when the housemates stumble out looking a bit lost and puzzled, wondering why everybody is booing them.

Fast forward to Amy’s eviction interview and it was clear there was one thing everybody wanted to know about – how she really felt about Liam. And despite all their furtive flirting and sneaking snogging, she wasn’t too complimentary.

“He was constantly hot and cold,” she said of her fellow housemate, and also said their fling was “just a bit of fun”.

Back in the house, Liam didn’t exactly appear heartbroken at Amy’s eviction. While scoffing a bowl of cereal, he told the twins just how relieved he was that they hadn’t been booted out.

“I wanted to throw you up in the air,” he said, “but I didn’t want somebody to think, you know…”

It’s OK Liam. We know exactly what you mean…

Day 72: Strike a pose

It’s been a week of weird and wonderful challenges for the housemates. They’ve travelled back in time, tried to invent the wheel, eaten cheese by the lorryload to see it affects their dreams…how could Big Brother possibly top that?

Well they had a pretty good go on Thursday when they set the housemates the challenge of becoming catwalk models for the day- and designing their own clothes.

And the group set about tackling the task with enthusiasm, as they divided into two teams – one led by the twins, the other by Ziggy – and prepared to strut their stuff.

Some of them got more into the task than others. Gerry, when called upon to take to the catwalk, posed and pouted in the manner of someone who has watched Ben Stiller in Zoolander a few too many times.

The judges – Brian and Carole – were not impressed. “You tried to take the limelight,” Carole complained. “You looked like a drunken seal,” said Brian.

Still, Liam’s strutting was a hit with the female housemates, while the others also took their chance and performed to the hilt.

But there could only be one winning team – and it was Sam and Amanda’s (which funnily enough included Gerry), who won a hamper of booze for their troubles.

And just to celebrate further, they spent the night partying while still dressed in the strange rag-like arrangements they had designed.

Judging from the look of the outfits, we don’t think Giorgio Armani has much to worry about just yet…

Day 71: Could things get cheesier?

And so a week of basic rations looms for the housemates, following the news that they had failed the time travel task

Well, nobody ever said it was going to be easy – after all having only a limited time to invent electricity and fire was a bit of a tall order, when you consider they probably took years to create in the first place.

Still, it wasn’t all doom and gloom in the house, as Big Brother came up with a challenge which was, well, dreamy.

Presenting the housemates will a table load of cheese, they instructed them to eat as much as possible and then take a nap.

And the purpose of this? To see if eating cheese really does affect your dreams.

Just to add to the fun, Big Brother set up a surreal dream sequence in the garden, featuring actors dressed as Kylie Minogue, a hot dog and a clown, performing a rather odd dance to the music of Swan Lake.

Is it just us or is this series getting weirder by the day? Nonetheless it had a profound effect on the twins who both claimed they had had a dream with a “bouncy castle and a clown” in it.

Quite what Big Brother will come up with next, we can’t imagine…

Day 70: Home truths

There’s been a lot of happiness in the Big Brother house recently – with Brian among the most joyful. Not only did he get to meet BB3’s Alex and Adele on Monday but he also confessed his love for Amanda – and shared a sneaky snog with her in the caravan.

Fast forward to the morning after though, and suddenly the pair don’t look quite so loved-up. Brian was cagey about the whole thing, while Amanda seemed very unsure. “I was so drunk,” she was heard muttering to herself. “What am I going to do? Oh this is not a good idea.”

And given the success rate of romances in Big Brother 8 – Ziggy and Chanelle’s stormy partnership, Amy and Liam’s short-lived fling – who can blame her for being a bit hesitant?

Meanwhile, the newest housemates discovered just how unpopular they are among the more established members of the house when they all got nominated for eviction.

Kara-Louise, Amy and Jonty are set to face the public vote against the twins, who weren’t nominated at all, but are up for eviction anyway due to a time travel task twist.

In fact the trio are so unpopular that barely anybody else – apart from Gerry – actually got a nomination this week. And they found out what everybody really thought of them when Big Brother transported them back to Monday and made them watch footage of the nominations.

The result? Kara-Louise sobbed hysterically as she was branded “boring” while Amy did not take kindly to suggestions she was a gold-digger who was only on the show for publicity (and actually fancied Liam’s £100,000 rather than the man himself).

Cruel, Big Brother. Very cruel indeed. But clever…

Day 69: Don’t I Know You?

Can the Big Brother Time Travel task get any sillier? First we had Kara-Louise being sent forward in time to what looked liked The Clangers’ home planet, then Carole, Gerry, Ziggy and Tracey had to dress up in Victorian gear, invent electricity and dance around to tinkly 19th Century piano music.

Actually, though, we’ve enjoyed the tasks this series – they’ve been a lot more fun and original than they were in previous series. Take Big Brother 3 for example, when it seemed that all the housemates had to do to win a shopping budget was play basketball or keep a football up in the air.

The BB8 housemates wouldn’t ever be made to do something that mundane…would they?

Well sort of. On Monday it was Brian and Kara-Louise’s turn in the time machine, and where should they be sent but back to 2002 and the Big Brother 3 house – bars and all.

And then who should walk in but Alex and Adele, two of the housemates from that series, sending Brian into howls of delight.

Still to come however was the task, which involved rehashing some of the challenges the BB3 housemates had faced. Playing basketball and keeping a football up in the air, to be precise.

Brian and Kara-Louise weren’t quite so thrilled when they were trounced by Alex and Adele at football and a game of darts – but still couldn’t hide their excitement at seeing two former members of the house.

“That was the highlight of my week,” sighed Kara-Louise as they left.

Goodness. And the week has only just begun…

Day 68: Housemates travel back in time

Big Brother is known for breaking new ground but nobody could have predicted this week’s epic task – to go where no other housemates have gone before and travel back in time.

With the diary room converted into a time machine housemates must change the course of history in order to win this week’s travel budget.

After an awkward conversation with Amy in the early hours of the morning Liam is probably wishing he could use the time machine to change his own past. After telling her their ‘relationship’ was creating a bad vibe in the house it seems their four day fling is officially over.

“As long as you and me are cool” said Liam, “cos that means something to us n’all.”

“Yeah, it’s fine” sighed Amy.

“When lasses say it’s fine it usually isn’t fine.” replied Liam.

Well at least he’s got something right. Will Amy go down without a fight?

Meanwhile the housemates were sent back to the year 1847, complete with Victorian costumes, to make the first ever electrical circuit. Things weren’t so electrifying though when their next task was to bob for Apples in ‘sewage’.

Things didn’t get any better for Ziggy, Gerry, Carole and Tracey when they were given an hour to polish hundreds of shoes. They added a bit of fun to the task though with some cheeky innuendo.

“Kind Sir, kind Ma’am” purred Ziggy to Gerry and Carole. “I’d love to polish you.” Easy Ziggy, Chanelle’s only been gone a few days!

The twins had their own share of time travel as Big Brother played them an audio clip of themselves from day 2 in the house:

“We’re just wondering if we’re counted as one or two. Like one vote or two votes?”

66 days later Big Brother answered the question with two options. Either the twins could be classed as one housemate, nominating together, being evicted together and sharing winner status. But they would both be put up for eviction next week. Or they could be treated separately but would have to decide which one of them should face the public vote.

Not surprisingly the twins chose to be treated as one.

“100 per cent we do. Don’t we? Of course.” they squealed.

Day 67: Let’s Get Physical

After two months in the Big Brother house, the occupants are used to Saturday morning workouts by now – but this week’s was a little different.

Having been given naff 80s-style neon workout gear to wear one week, and fetching red and white exercise clothes on another, this week the housemates were supplied with special grey gear – specially designed to show up their sweat.

Yes, the aim of the workout was to accumulate as much sweat as possible- and having amassed a not-to-be-sniffedat 253g worth, the housemates won themselves access to the Big Brother poolside bar – complete with fruity cocktails, inflatables and summer sounds.

There was an extra special treat in store for Jonty, who was given a giant ice-cream sundae on account of being the sweatiest housemate – and polished off the lot.

“I feel ever so slightly sick,” he told Big Brother afterwards. Like we’re surprised.

But it wasn’t all fun and games on this sun-baked Saturday. Gerry got rather cross with Ziggy after he kicked an inflatable globe over the house wall during a game of football.

See, the Greek intellectual had been intending to use it to give the twins a geography lesson – and now his plans were ruined.

“All you had to do was use the other ball, but no, you have to do your own thing,” he shrieked. Ziggy couldn’t understand what the fuss was all about.

“It’s a ball!” he said in disbelief. “I’m not going to let you have a go at me!”

This was too much for Gerry, who stormed off calling the former pop star “arrogant”.

We’re heard of global conflict, but frankly this is pushing it…

Day 66: Going, going…

Pity poor David and Shanessa. They’ve barely been in the house five minutes and already they’ve fallen victim to the public vote.

The pair were given their marching orders on Friday night in a double eviction, after a week’s worth of comings and goings which saw them become Halfway Housemates, housemates, Halfway Housemates…it was confusing enough for us, never mind them.

Unsurprisingly, the pair both looked rather disappointed when Davina McCall announced their names on eviction night – but they both took it well, and exited the house hand in hand.

The public weren’t quite so enthusiastic though and booed the pair as they emerged into the real world. Er, why exactly? What can they possibly have done in the space of one week to gain such a reaction?

Well, Shanessa will probably be remembered for her saucy lap dance, for generally being a bit outspoken and for spilling out of an array of tiny dresses and even smaller bikinis.

David, meanwhile, will be remembered for – well, actually we’re not quite sure. Apart from his spectacular bit of Diary Room puking upon being made to consume a feast of luncheon meat mixed with jam.

When Davina interviewed the pair they both seemed disappointed that the whole thing was over so quickly, and pointed the finger of blame at one person – fellow Halfway Housemate Amy, who they deemed responsible for their return to the Halfway House and subsequent nomination in the first place.

“She’s playing a game,” David said, “and she’s there to win – she’s doing it better than me!”

And so the pair disappear into the sunset, their potential as housemates never fully realised. They might not have been the most likeable pair but we can’t help thinking that had they stayed they might have been very entertaining additions to the house.

Not that we’ll ever get the chance to find out, of course…

Day 65: Trouble In Paradise

With Charley and Chanelle gone, we’d have thought things might calm down a bit in the Big Brother house. We were wrong. For a new terrible twosome – in the shape of Shanessa and Amy – is in danger of emerging.

On Thursday, the Halfway Housemates had the chance to visit the main house for a few hours – and there the Welsh care worker made her feelings towards the glamour model all too clear.

Having decided she was to blame for her return to the Halfway House – after she and Jonty were moved over on Wednesday – she refused to speak to Amy and made catty remarks to Jonty, reducing the poor lass to tears.

“What did you think, that I just thought, ‘Wicked, let’s get rid of them’?” she protested weakly. Just to make things even more heated, David then got involved too. “If we’d done it to you, you’d feel the same,” he pointed out.

Still, she may not need to worry for too long. Friday brings with it a double eviction from the Halfway House – and Shanessa and David could be given their marching orders.

Although personally we wouldn’t bet against Kara-Louise, one of the dullest housemates ever to get within sniffing distance of Big Brother.

Still, despite doing absolutely nothing of interest all week, the house’s posh totty equipped herself well during Big Brother’s luxury food challenge, in which she had to win shopping money for the main housemates by chowing down on a gammon and fondant fancy kebab.

Somehow she managed to finish it off before heading for the toilet to bring it back – which is more than can be said for David. When faced with the task of eating luncheon meat and jam, he didn’t even make it out of the Diary Room, and threw up then and there.

Still, at least with Tracey now in the Halfway House they’ve got someone there to clean it up…

Day 64: Alrighty now…

…this is getting silly. And we’re finding it hard to keep up. One minute David, Kara-Louise and Shanessa are in the main house, then they’re not, then Amy and Jonty are still halfway housemates, then they’re not, then people who were fully-fledged housemates to begin with are halfway housemates, then they’re housemates again…

Are we the only ones struggling to make sense of all the comings and goings this week? And more importantly, what happens now? On Wednesday the four who were Halfway Housemates – Jonty, Amy, Ziggy and Liam – were told they were being given fully-fledged housemate status.

Not for doing anything specific, mind you – no jumping out of boxes or trying to impress the others, they were just given housemate status. Simple as.

And in yet another twist, they had to choose four people from the main house to go to the halfway house – and promptly voted for David, Kara-Louise and Shanessa. They also chose Tracey to join them, on the basis that she would be “strong enough” to survive an eviction.

Understandably, the newcomers weren’t happy, with Kara-Louise bursting into tears and David having a whinge to Tracey once they were settled back into the Halfway House.

“For you, it’s a break in the monotony,” he told her, “but for me it’s a return to it.”

To make matters worse, the four will now face eviction on Friday. What we want to know is – what will happen to the ones who don’t get the boot?

Will they stay in the Halfway House? Go back into the main house? Pack their bags and leave? Or continue to be shipped backwards and forwards between the two?

We have no idea. But being Big Brother of course, anything can happen…

Day 63: Meeting halfway

Are we the only ones who are finding it hard to keep up with all the changes in personnel in the Big Brother House at the moment? First Chanelle goes, then David and Kara-Louise arrive, then Ziggy goes to the Halfway House…it’s all too much!

And on Tuesday things got even more confusing. Everybody was told that in yet another twist, two of the current halfway housemates (including Ziggy) will have the chance to become housemates before the week is out – while some of the current housemates will become halfway housemates.

The halfway housemates who don’t become housemates then run the risk of no longer being housemates at all since those who are still in there on Thursday will face the public vote on Friday.

Are you following this? We’re actually beginning to wonder if they’re making this up as they go along, but anyway…

Tuesday was a much quieter day in the Big Brother houses (well it couldn’t have gotten any louder than Monday, quite frankly) as Ziggy got used to life as a halfway housemate and David and Kara-Louise settled in to the main house.

But despite getting the ‘breathing space’ he wanted, Ziggy still isn’t happy. He’s told Jonty that he loves Chanelle – and worse still, he misses her. “I’d love to see her,” he confessed. “But she probably won’t want to see me.”

Poor Zigster. In-house romance is never easy. Still, it’s not all doom and gloom on the Big Brother front as the housemates welcomed their latest new arrival. Shanessa won herself fully-fledged housemate status after winning a task which required each of the halfway housemates to impersonate a human ‘jack in the box’ and jump out at a time designated by Big Brother

Several silly costumes and a lot of timekeeping later, Shanessa was crowned winner. And in entering the house, she had to choose someone else to take her place in the Halfway House – and promptly went for Liam.

“Amy really likes him,” cooed the Welsh lass. “It’ll make her day.”

But is Liam quite so pleased?

Day 62: Comings and goings

Monday was an eventful day in the Big Brother household. Firstly, after much dithering over whether or not she wanted to go home or not, Chanelle finally packed up and left following yet another massive row with Ziggy.

The Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton of the house finally lost patience with each other after Chanelle overheard him telling Brian and Tracey about how “impossible” their relationship had become.

In no time, she had swept into the Living Area with an unrelated question – and within seconds a full-blown argument had broken out, complete with screaming, swearing and threats to leave.

Not the kind of row that you recover from in a hurry, in other words. And so Chanelle, having shrieked and yelled and called her in-house boyfriend every name under the sun, finally quit the house for good – leaving only a message written in eye make-up to tell the others what had happened.

There were tears from the twins when they found out and, surprisingly, from Ziggy. But they didn’t have time to feel sad for long as there was the small matter of choosing two new housemates to think about.

On Monday evening, the group had to vote for the two ‘halfway housemates’ they wanted to join them – and after lots of deliberation, Kara-Louise and David got the all-important ticket into the house. David reacted by grinning, while Kara-Louise simply burst into tears.

But as ever, there was a twist in the tail – with the housemates being told they had to choose one of their number to send to the Halfway House.

While they fussed and fretted over who to choose, Ziggy volunteered – and was subsequently shipped off to the dormitory to spend time with Amy, Shanessa and Jonty while the other two settled in.

What Big Brother hasn’t told us is how long they plan to keep the foursome in the Halfway House – and since we were told that only two of the newcomers would become fully-fledged housemates, we’re wondering why the other three are still there.

Is it possible that there’s another twist looming? We wouldn’t be surprised…

Day 61: Who’s gonna go all the way?

So Big Brother decides it’s time the housemates, both halfwayers and lifers, all got together in a posh setting so they can have, like, suffisticated chat.

But their first dilemma is deciding what Big Bruv means by ‘glamorous’ attire (Give me strength!) “What’s glamorous,” asked Tracey.

“Smart, like what we wear on Friday,” replied arbiter of style Ziggy.

“What you wearing Ziggy,” asked the permanently befuddled Brian.

“Black is very glamorous,” interjected Gerry.

Glamour model Amy also had a garment crisis… so opted to wear almost nothing!

Earlier on Sunday Chanelle knew exactly what she was going to wear. She dressed up in her eviction outfit and tearfully told Big Brother she’d had enough. It seems the Zigster had actually used the “It’s not you, it’s me” line for real in the wee hours of Sunday.

No wonder she wanted out. But despite making three false exits, Chanelle had to undergo a sesh with the Big Brother psychologist, whose voodoo magic obviously worked a charm because Chanelle re-entered the house promising to sleep on her decision.

In the words of Gerry: “Just go will you!”

Day 60: Jonty gives ‘halfmates’ the shivers

They’ve been in the Halfway House for less than 24 hours, but the Halfway Housemates (let’s call them ‘halfmates’) have already got the cudgels out for fellow newcomer Jonty. Doesn’t take them long, does it?

Not that they can be entirely blamed for being creeped out by the 36-year-old Teddy Collector. Soon after arrival, the museum worker had proudly introduced the halfmates to not one but THREE cuddly toys – Pokey, Uncle Frider and Munkey Tunkedy – which is the Big Brother equivalent of locking yourself in the loony bin and swallowing the key.

Needless to say, the reaction wasn’t 100% positive. “He do go on about his teddies a bit, do you know what I mean?” said Shanessa, when Pokey and Jonty’s backs were turned. We do know what you mean, Shanster. “I mean, I’ve got my teddy with me, but I wouldn’t want to go overboard…” Wise words. No-one should go overboard on stuffed toys. Not even ones with cutesy names.

Later, the cudgels twitched again when Amy was allowed into the main house, where she briefly forgot that she was supposed to be impressing the housemates with her niceness and carped about Jonty instead.

“Last night we had a bottle of wine and four bottles of beer, but one person pretty much drank most of it,” she whined. “We couldn’t control him last night. Then we woke up this morning and all the potatoes and bananas were stabbed and the saucepans were on the chairs… And he talks to his teddies.”

Mind you, if Amy was looking for normal people to share her discomfort with, she really has come to the wrong place. When Jonty finally appeared in the house himself, it was Auntie Carole’s job to wheedle out the weirdness with a probing one-on-one interview.

“Are you married or single?” she asked, innocently.

“I’m a virgin. I’m not into sex,” said Jonty. “…attracted to both genders… don’t do sexual… do spanking instead.”

Okaaaay. Taxi for the teddy-fancier…? If the producers were hoping for Life Beyond Charley, they may just have scooped it in Jonty. That’s if the halfmates don’t finish him and the teddies off first and bury him under the Diary Room chair…

Day 59: Out With The Old…In With The New

She’s been nominated, fake evicted, put back in again – but finally the public has given Charley the boot.

The so-called “least popular housemate of all time” was given her marching orders on Friday night (to the surprise of absolutely no-one, not even her) with a whopping 85.6 per cent – which, while impressive, is actually less of the vote than both Sezer and Grace received last series. Does this mean she is no longer least popular?

Either way, the South London It Girl still appeared to be oblivious to the unilateral booing that greeted her return to the real world – and afterwards told Davina she had “heard lots of cheers”.

That’s not what we heard, mind you…even Davina admitted she had struggled to hear a single cheer for Charley. But the thick-skinned young lady didn’t seem to care – she was far too busy putting the boot into her fellow housemates, describing Chanelle as a “pea-head” and Gerry as annoying.

Does she actually like any of them apart from Carole? And herself of course? It would appear not.

With Charley gone, the way had been paved for the arrival of five ‘halfway housemates’ who have moved into dormitory-style lodgings adjacent to the main house.

Over the next couple of days they will each spend time in the main house with the group, who then have to choose two to become fully-fledged housemates.

And frankly they have their work cut out for them – for the quirky quintet actually achieve the feat of making the current housemates seem normal and companionable. David – a practising pagan witch in a kilt and eye make-up – appears to be the most normal, and that’s saying something.

Jordan-loving glamour model Amy, who appeared to enter the house in her underwear, should be a hit with the lads, as might posh totty Kara-Louise (even if her permanent state of perkiness proves a bit wearing after about five minutes).

As for virginal museum worker Jonty and his teddy bear collection – well, words fail us. Still, with his obsessional love of history he may well hit it off with Gerry even if the others find his quilted smoking jacket a bit hard to take.

But the one who was the most eye-catching on the night was Shanessa, a bleached-blonde care worker from Cardiff who wobbled into the house positively bursting from her teeny tiny pink frock.

As a close relative of ours used to say, ‘that’s a nice dress she’s nearly got on…’

Day 58: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

Eviction is looming large, and there’s just one question on everybody’s lips – just how high a percentage of the public vote will Charley actually get?

Because the house’s resident It Girl is such a sure thing for tonight’s eviction that it makes Nicky’s eviction last week look positively unexpected.

And in recent days she’s done little to persuade the voting public that she should in fact stay.

Having vowed to turn over a new leaf, she’s had blazing rows with Ziggy and Chanelle, reduced Carole to tears and on Thursday got into a furious shouting match with Brian in which he told her to “fly off on her broomstick” (a comment for which he should win the show right now as far as we’re concerned)

Still, it hasn’t stopped fellow nominee Tracey for preparing for the big night, and on Thursday she took delivery of some pink hair dye, in order to restore her hair to its former neon-hued glory.

And as one of the few people left in the house who’s still actually friendly with Charley, she promptly chose her as her personal hairdresser. “Don’t try this at home kids!” the 22-year-old trilled in the manner of a Blue Peter presenter as she proceeded to tackle Trace’s barnet.

It wasn’t long before the raver was once more pink-haired – while the pink-obsessed twins got hold of the remaining dye and gave themselves – and Liam and Ziggy – fetching pink highlights.

Of course there’s always the possibility that Tracey might get to show off her new do to the outside world, but frankly we think Charley’s reign of terror is over – and this time it’s for real.

Even if she isn’t missed, her absence will undoubtedly be noticed.

But never mind – the housemates will have six new arrivals to make up for it soon…

Day 57: End Of Tether?

Another day in the BB house – and here, we’re still reeling from Chanelle’s talent show meltdown, complete with hysterics, tears, diva-style tantrums and threats to walk out of the house then and there (what was she going to do? Scale the fence in the manner of Spiderman?)

She did of course take part in the end – badly, if we’re being honest – but her behaviour has had repercussions throughout the house, not least with Carole, who declared on Wednesday that she wanted nothing more to do w