Twilight,Kristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson

Twilight. How different my life would have been if I’d not seen this film and its sequels.

I struggle to imagine how I would have coped in a world packed with Robsessed work colleagues and a media circus that bands quasi-words like R-Patz and K-Stew around, and expects us to understand what they mean.

I had to see the movie – I was becoming ostracised by my ignorance. And, I have to admit I was entertained by the film. But I wasn’t bitten by the vampire craze. I still have no idea what all the fuss is about.

It’s not as simple as people fancying actor Robert Pattinson. It’s Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen that gets them going. Why? Is it some deeply-rooted social conditioning that brings out a deep longing to be rescued in some women? Somewhere out there, they dream, there’s a knight on a white horse/ a handsome prince/ a hundred-and-something-year-old pasty-faced vampire, waiting to sweep them off their feet – literally.

Twilight,Kristen Stewart,Robert Pattinson

See, I don’t get the craziness. I’m in a minority.

But it’s this craziness that has contributed primarily to this franchise’s success, and it’s this success and popularity that has made it a prime target for mockery. Hence the arrival of new spoof movie Vampires Suck.

You know a film’s reached a certain level of popularity when it gets spoofed – whether it be by a French and Saunders sketch or a reference in one of the many movie parodies out there – Scary Movie, Disaster Movie, Dance Flick, Date Movie, Robin Hood Men in Tights, Blazing Saddles, Epic Movie etc

As someone who’s greeted every morning at work by a weird R-Patz shrine on the neighbouring desk (makes the actor look more like Mr Tumnus than the bloodsucking boy from Twilight, but I don’t say anything), I should be jumping at the chance to laugh at a spoof of Twilight fanaticism.

And I would if a certain female comedy duo were behind it (check out the French and Saunders brilliance here), but sadly some parodies just aren’t funny, and here’s a prime example:

[swf]http://uk.player.filmtrailer.com/v3.1/&mid=5046&channel_user_id=441100180-1&repeat=1&volume=0[/swf]

To activate the sound in the trailer: hold your cursor over the screen to reveal the control panel and click on the volume control in the bottom right-hand corner.

I’m hoping the Simpsons Twilight spoof will be better.

Twilight is showing tomorrow, Thursday 14th October, on Sky Movies Family at 8pm

Vampires Suck is released in UK cinemas on Friday 15th October.