Keith Lemon is back with a new series of his bang tidy comedy panel show…

He’s being courted by reality TV and is about to star in his own film and launch a new ITV entertainment show, but the tache-tastic Keith Lemon isn’t about to leave fans of his panel show Celebrity Juice in the lurch, as he explained when we caught up with him for a chat…

I’ve always said I’ll carry on doing Celebrity Juice until Holly Willoughby, Fearne Cotton, Rufus Hound and I all die… Fearne and I bicker a lot, but that’s just because of the physical attraction she has for me. Rufus is only there because his misery is entertaining, and Holly does it because it gives her a night out.

I want Gary Barlow to come on as a guest… I’ve never met him, but Fearne says he’s a big fan of the show. He only watches two shows, but I can’t remember what the other one was because I’m too self-obsessed to listen to stuff that’s not about me. He asked her for my number and we’ve become friends by text.

The release of my film in August will be the biggest showbiz event of the year… It’s got big names like Kelly Brook, David Hasselhoff, Verne Troyer, Kevin Bishop and Ronan Keating in it, and Holly, Fearne and Rufus are in it as well.

It’s called Keith Lemon: the Film… You can spend hours coming up with a title, but the fact is, it’s about me and it’s a film. It’s a rags-to-riches story starring me as an inventor who becomes an overnight success, and then forgets about the important things in life and becomes a bit up himself.

I’m going to host a new show on ITV1 called Lemon Aid… I’ll help people’s dreams come true and solve all their problems. It’s a bit like Jim’ll Fix It, but not just for children. I used to write to Jimmy Savile when I was a child, but he never fixed owt for me.

I was approached to be on Celebrity Big Brother… People say I’d be great on it, but it’s for people who are at the foot of the fame ladder or have fallen off it. I got asked to do Dancing On Icicles too, but that’s far too dangerous.

My hair’s getting so long I’m starting to look like Justin Lee Collins… I’ve got nowt against him, he’s a nice fella, but his image isn’t my image. I don’t want to go out and hear people shouting ‘Justin’ at me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a nice name and it works for Timberlake and Bieber. But I’m a man in my own right, with my own hair.

A new series of Celebrity Juice begins on ITV2 on Thursday, February 9 at 10pm