If you’ve made it through, as in survived, the past week’s selection of Marmite movies and you find your days dragging til the holidays, then let me tide you over til Christmas Eve with another selection of TV movies that will either make you go ‘ho ho ho!’ or, in my case, ‘oh no no!’.
Sat 20 Dec on Five: Single Santa Seeks Mrs Clause
In this fantasy comedy, a boy writes a letter to Santa asking for a new dad for Christmas after his father dies. Meanwhile, Santa’s heir prepares to take over his father’s duties but needs a wife by Christmas Eve. Have you put two and two together yet? I have and it equals five, Marmite jars that is, for leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
Saturday 20 Dec on Sky Movies Family: Christmas on Chestnut Street
Another comedy. And this one certainly doesn’t promote energy saving. When a superstore accidentally orders 6000 boxes of Christmas lights three weeks before the holidays, the hapless warehouse manager comes up with the bright idea of holding a competition for the best seasonal lighting display. However, the contest puts the local townsfolk at each other’s throats. Well, how’s that for a Christmas spirit? Sound like your neighbourhood?
Saturday 20 Dec on Sky 1: An Accidental Christmas
This romantic family comedy is a rip-off of Disney’s The Parent Trap. Two siblings conspire to bring their separated parents back together and decide to send them secretly on the same Christmas holiday. Spare yourself numbness of the posterior and just watch the trailer that whizzes through the plot at painless super-speed.
Monday 22 Dec on Sky Movies Comedy: Christmas Do-Over
This is Groundhog Day without the groundhog (or Bill Murray for that matter). A failed musician is forced to spend an uncomfortable Christmas Day with his ex-wife and former in-laws. But when his young son says he wishes ‘it could be Christmas every day’, he finds himself reliving the same day over and over and over again. And Sky Movies Comedy will be showing this over and over…and over again. Bring in that cosy back-to-front shirt with the extra long sleeves and wrap me up in it. Please.
Tuesday 23 Dec on Sky Movies Family: Deck the Halls (2006)
A seasonal comedy starring Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito! A small-town optician is horrified and jealous when his new car salesman neighbour decides to erect a Christmas lighting display around his house so that it will be visible from outer space. Cue plenty of Home Alone-style sabotage and slapstick comedy.
This gets one jar only because watching the trailer, I could actually imagine myself seeing this…if both my legs were broken and I was tied down to the sofa with duct tape on my mouth so nobody could hear me scream. Then I’d certainly give it a go.
Happy Christmas everyone!