What a moist title. When I got a chance to review it, I imagined all sorts: was this going to be a return to the Beach Party movies of the 1960s, a remake of Dr Goldfoot & the Bikini Machine, or – even better – an erotic fantasy about a Penthouse swimsuit calendar shoot set on an ice rink?

It was none of the above, I’m afraid. Instead I got a cut price Friday the 13th meets Urban Legend. Stranded in a remote town on their way to a carwash fundraiser, a group of college soccer girls take refuge in an abandoned petrol station while their broken bus is repaired. But being dressed only in bikinis and getting unwanted attention from horny locals is the least of their worries when an axe-wielding maniac (who looks just like Sawyer from Lost) starts picking them off one by one.

Low on budget, suspense, gore and flesh, Bikini Girls on Ice is a bit of a dud. Surprisingly it looks good as it was lensed in HD, and the acting is above par for the genre, but it misses on every other count. It’s not hard enough to give Saw and its ilk a run for their money; and it’s not funny or even sexy enough to resemble anything remotely like a parody.

Bikini Girls on Ice makes me pine for the return of Russ Meyer – now he knew how to spin a title.

Released 5 July


To activate the sound in the trailer: hold your cursor over the screen to reveal the control panel and click on the volume control in the bottom right-hand corner.